Knife Fork Spoon Spin

What it's like

There was a day not so long ago that I behaved totally out of character. I bought some new cutlery.

Admittedly I’d had ‘Cutlery’ on my shopping list for a while, but it was written under the Buy Sometime heading. You could be forgiven for thinking it was on the Buy Immediately list though, alongside toilet roll and milk, the way I just marched off to the till with the box of gleaming silver utensils. I didn’t stand around dithering for an age. I didn’t check to see whether I could buy them cheaper on eBay. I didn’t leave the shop to see whether I’d keep thinking about the lovely cutlery or just forget about it, a sure test of whether I wanted it, whether I really really wanted it, a-zig-a-zig-ah. Instead, I came, I saw, I conquered bought.

I’d reverted to type as soon as I got home though. I couldn’t stop berating myself for behaving so recklessly. What had I been thinking? Or not, as the case seemed to be. Why had I made such a hasty purchase? I didn’t even really need it. Did I even like it? Did I even deserve to be the owner of new cutlery? I couldn’t decide. As a child, one of my favourite playground games was a handstand competition named Knife Fork Spoon Spin. As an adult, I was definitely getting into a spin about the knives, the forks and the spoons, but it was no fun at all.

I put the box on top of the microwave and left it there. Unopened. For weeks.

This story isn’t really about cutlery. (“Thank God,” I hear you say. “Cause if I’d wanted to read about that I’d flick through an IKEA catalogue.) In actual fact it is the story of my life. Or at least it is certainly representative of it at the moment.

I’ve been exactly the same about this blog. I got the idea months ago and felt all gung-ho. Then I wasn’t so sure. Then a while later I was even more unsure. Then I was my most unsurest. Then I reverted back to being sure but decided I couldn’t possibly launch until the right time. I’d have to finish writing my ‘About’ page…and of course that wouldn’t be complete without taking a nice photo to go alongside the blurb…I’d have to get the Facebook page sorted…and the Twitter one…I’d be best starting posting at the beginning of the week…perhaps start of a new month…or on a date that is a lucky number…and of course the wind would have to be blowing the right way…maybe I shouldn’t be doing it at all?

I kid you not.

I haven’t always been like this though. I haven’t always been so hopeless. So indecisive. I haven’t always lacked confidence in myself. The ironic thing is that the reason I am now all of the above, and why I’ve put off starting my blog, is the very thing that I’m going to be blogging about.

“What’s this doing here?” my brother asked one day picking up the still unopened box of kitchen utensils. I sheepishly explained all about Cutlerygate. “You don’t think you deserve some cheap knives and forks? You need to get a grip,” he laughed and proceeded to rip open the box and threw it into the sink to be washed. “Get on with it!”

And I did. It worked. And you’ll be happy to know I’ve not played that version of Knife Fork Spoon Spin since.

I’ve decided to try applying the same rule to this situation too. It’s never going to be the ‘right time’ to start so I’m ‘getting a grip’ and I’m ripping open my Pandora’s Box and telling you that I suffer from depression and that is what this blog is going to be about. There, I’ve said it. Now I’m just going to have to get on with it.

So whaddya think about that, now you know how I feel?
Spice Girls ‘Wannabe’

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