Braveheart

26/03/13
Coming out

Dear You,

How are you? Good I hope? Cause I am. Hurrah! I’d be satisfied with just feeling fine, but to be on the higher end of the mood spectrum is a result.

A lot of that is down to you. Don’t blush – I’m being serious. If you hadn’t been so damn nice who knows what state I’d be in.

I’d been dreading starting my blog. There were even tears on the morning I launched. Mum said she didn’t think I was ready. I said I’d probably never be and that was part of the problem.

It didn’t help that when I’d asked people before starting my blog A) whether it was a good idea and 2) whether I should use my real name, most had replied ‘No’ and ‘Hell no!’

I’ve been a blogger before. I wrote about the trials and tribulations of being a single girl and a typical post would be like the one when I shared an email I’d received after joining an online dating site.

hello nice pic and profile by the way :), im single fit geniune guy just looking for some fun or relationship with a decent gal love to pamper and treat a gal, take her shopping and trips away, have to be honest,cant lie, sorry !!sporting a rather (small pecker) sorry !! well so ive been told lol :) hence open minded and happy to make up for it in other ways :) trips away, meals out, shopping etc, had an excelent arrrangement with the x gf , no offence meant !! x

Hardly a meaty topic (in more ways than one). Even then a friend said she couldn’t believe that I wasn’t embarrassed telling the world about personal stuff. The new blog would be even worse. Was I mad (er ok, I mean madder than usual) to be revealing my short-comings? (Rather like the guy above had done to me.)

Would I now forever be known as Mrs Dourface? Would I struggle to ever get a job again? Would I struggle to get a bloke? (Ok, I may have been having problems in that department anyway, but I certainly wasn’t going to be making things any easier for myself.)

Plus once I’d started the blog I knew there was no going back. No changing my mind later and pretending it had all been a joke and that I was actually as happy as Larry, a clam, a sandboy or a pig in shite. Once I’d outed myself that would be it.

I made my mind up though, took a deep breath and pressed publish. I immediately felt sick.

My BFF took me to the cinema to see Side Effects. She said it was about a disturbed young woman on anti-depressants and was bound to help me take my mind off things.

I came out and switched on my phone. Would I have had any reactions? Or worse, none at all?

I needn’t have worried, you are a lovely lot. I’ve received loads of messages. People thanking me for starting the blog and helping to stop the stigma surrounding depression. People surprised I’m a sufferer and one particularly lovely person saying she actually used to wish she was like me! And even people telling me I’m brave. I really don’t feel it, but admittedly, I probably would rather have been confessing to a bad case of thrush, than announcing that I have depression.

I’ve also had a lot of messages from people telling me their stories. And I wouldn’t have thought it of any of you. Makes me think that Dr Tim Cantopher, the author of Depressive Illness: The Curse of the Strong, really has a point.

I feel like I’m suddenly part of a lovely group. And one that will help me too. Probably even more than the short-lived gang I had with my friends when we’d get together to chant ‘We must, we must, we must increase our busts!’

Please do keep writing to me (I will reply to you all eventually.) Feel free to leave me a comment on here and to chat on here. Please do also share with as many people as possible. Even if you don’t suffer from depression, in theory 10% of your Facebook friends will do and I’d like them to have the chance to join the team too.

And in the meantime lets come up with a name for our gang. I’m thinking we probably don’t opt for The Doggers.

Love Stacey x

ps Oh and incase you are wondering whether I went on a date with wee willie winkie? Hardly. I have no interest in a man with such a little…knowledge of punctuation, spelling and grammar.

I’m on my way from misery to happiness today
Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh
Yeah I’m on my way from misery to happiness today
yeah yeah yeah yeah
I’m on my way to what I want from this world
The Proclaimers – I’m On My Way