The Rice Pudding part 1


I was stood up recently.

On a blind date.

Well I say ‘stood up’ but I wasn’t exactly sitting in a bar nursing a Sauvignon, anxiously checking my watch and staring at the door willing every bloke that walked in (even the ugly ones) to be him. I just mean that we’d pre-arranged where, and when, the week prior, but when I messaged him to check the time and meeting point the evening before, I didn’t hear anything from him.

Ever again.

To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t that fussed. I swear. Yeah, I did a bit of ranting about his lack of manners, but I wasn’t particularly bothered about not going on the date. He was my friend’s work colleague and although she’d told me he was tall and funny (have you heard the one about where I stand you up?) I didn’t know anything else about him. Or even what he really looked like, having only seen a blurry, taken-from-afar Facebook photo.

It’s hard to be upset about being rejected by someone you couldn’t even point out in a line-up.

And while I’m on the truth serum….I actually think he’s had a lucky escape. I wouldn’t go out with me either.

I really wouldn’t.

Okay, there are occasions that I have my confident head on and go around singing ‘I am what I am….and what I ammmmmm needs no excuses…la la!’

Those times I would say that he’s missed his chance.

Not at the moment though. At the moment I’m not banging my own drum.  Nor do I think I’m a special creation. At the moment I wish I wasn’t who I am, cause I amn’t all that great.

I blame depression for this. Yes, I’m sure everyone goes through periods of self-doubt and times when they are lacking in confidence. Except perhaps Simon Cowell.

It’s difficult though to have a healthy self-image when you are constantly bombarded by negative thoughts and reminders of every stupid thing that you’ve ever done in your life.

Remember when you were 6 years old and you filled up the hole in the ground that was meant for the washing line whirligig thingy with lots of little pebbles? Your mum was so angry with you. And no wonder. What did you do something like that for? You’re an idiot. It’s no surprise that you’re still single.

The sad thing is that I’m only partly jesting. That memory on its own is irrelevant (except perhaps to my mum who couldn’t hang up her washing) but when all your personal thoughts are bad, you end up thinking you are pretty shit. The judge was more lenient on Oscar Pistorius than I am on myself.

If only I could just block myself on Facebook and pretend I don’t exist it would be fine. I can’t though. I’m stuck with me for the foreseeable, so myself and I will just have to learn how to get along.

I’ve therefore come up with a plan. Not a good one obviously – I’m not capable of that, but a plan nonetheless. Remember the rice experiment that I mentioned in a previous post?

Basically there’s a Japanese bloke called Dr Emoto who is known for his belief that the human consciousness has an effect on the molecular structure of water (cheers Wikipedia). Which basically means that if you direct negative thoughts/energy towards water then it will end up ‘bad’ and vice-versa. He has done experiments which he reckons proves this. He also did one with cooked rice where one jar had ‘thank you’ written on it and another ‘you’re an idiot’ and after 30 days the slagged-off rice was grotty and mouldy, whereas the praised grains were practically good enough to be served at your local Chinese. Or something like that.

I’ve decided to give this a go. Except to one jar of rice I’m going to say ALL the negative thoughts and criticisms I have about myself, and the other I’ll do my best to think of some nice stuff to say (er…uhm….I like the colour of your nail varnish…)

And for an added variable I’ve also got a couple of little’ grass men’ which are ornaments that grass grows out the top of their head. (You know it makes sense.) One has its arms crossed over its chest as if defending itself from such insults as ‘You whirligig-hole-blocker idiot that even someone who has never met you doesn’t want to date you!’

While the other has its hands on its hips, and looks all confident and secure in the knowledge that it is a good person with a great choice in nail-varnish. That one I’m putting beside the ‘positive’ rice (which I’ve put a pretty bow around so straight away it will feel better and more loved than the other one) to see if it grows any quicker or more lustrous.

I’ll keep you updated and we’ll see the effect, if any, all this negativity might have on me, albeit in rice and grass man form.


Ps My ‘date’ told my friend that he’d ‘chickened out’. He asked if I was cool about it. She replied ‘Stacey? Well Stacey is super cool – she’s creative, funny, trendy and intelligent, tiny, exotic (as in Scottish!) and has big boobs. But I guess you’ll never know just how cool she is now.’

The Scottish bit is a bit uncertain at the minute – I’ll know after the referendum tomorrow whether that’s still accurate. The boobs bit is true, I’ll give her that. And the rest? Maybe after 30 days I might have learnt to accept some compliments.

I’m my own worst enemy
It’s bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don’t want to be my friend no more
I want to be somebody else
P!nk – Don’t Let Me Get Me

  • mattshaw85

    Pardon the cliché but at least you didn’t waste an evening with a douchebag!

    I beat myself up about stuff that happened years and years ago as well. It normally happens late at night when I’m struggling to get to sleep.

  • Mel

    What a great idea! Another fab post, don’t worry you’ll always be Scottish no matter what happens tomorrow, you may even get your dual passport wish although maybe not the kind you expected! x

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